Shit That Guy Says

"Can I have one?"

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:17:55 -0400

“Can I have one?”

- on my birth control pills

"He looks like a Hitler experiment."

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 22:38:10 -0400

“He looks like a Hitler experiment.”

- on a bad haircut

"We’re in a fucking animal zone. We’re in a zoo!"

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 22:37:29 -0400

“We’re in a fucking animal zone. We’re in a zoo!”

- on FroSoCo

"Can vodka be a spirit animal?"

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 22:36:05 -0400

“Can vodka be a spirit animal?”

- no

"Colonize me once, shame on you. Colonize me twice, shame on me."

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 22:35:15 -0400

“Colonize me once, shame on you. Colonize me twice, shame on me.”

- on cultural reappropriation

"What are gay jokes? I just say everyone’s a whore, but that’s a fact."

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 14:51:43 -0400

“What are gay jokes? I just say everyone’s a whore, but that’s a fact.”

- I see

"I feel like by the time I graduate I’ll have a minor in alcohol(ism)."

Thu, 14 Mar 2013 18:11:11 -0400

“I feel like by the time I graduate I’ll have a minor in alcohol(ism).”

- on wine/beer tasting in class

"I’m congested. I really need to sneeze right now. I’m probably allergic to obesity."

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 18:37:16 -0400

“I’m congested. I really need to sneeze right now. I’m probably allergic to obesity.”

- on allergies? chubsters?

"I am proudly pro-death."

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:35:25 -0400

“I am proudly pro-death.”

- oh really?

"Are you numb now? It’s a way to live."

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:35:01 -0400

“Are you numb now? It’s a way to live.”

- on eating frozen strawberries

"I’m already disadvantaged as a queer person of marginal color."

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:34:00 -0400

“I’m already disadvantaged as a queer person of marginal color.”

- on getting stung by a bee

"Let’s penetrate the forest!"

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:34:00 -0400

“Let’s penetrate the forest!”

- on short cuts to class

"You should probably just steal something and go to prison where the amenities are much nicer."

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:33:16 -0400

“You should probably just steal something and go to prison where the amenities are much nicer.”

- on 25-bed hostel rooms

"I’m grabbing the absence of my breasts."

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 15:34:00 -0500

“I’m grabbing the absence of my breasts.”

- on gesticulation

"Siri’s such a cunt."

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 20:29:00 -0500

“Siri’s such a cunt.”

- on technology

"You see a big sign that says “God is watching you” and I’m like “god damnit..."

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 20:28:00 -0500

“You see a big sign that says “God is watching you” and I’m like “god damnit I was just on grindr.””

- on Missouri

"If I took a drink every time you have unnecessary feelings I’d be so dead!"

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 20:27:24 -0500

“If I took a drink every time you have unnecessary feelings I’d be so dead!”

- on a close friend

"That’s a little awk BUT rub it if it feels good."

Fri, 11 Jan 2013 20:26:00 -0500

“That’s a little awk BUT rub it if it feels good.”

- on friends of friends

"I’ve definitely gotten tipsy in a library before."

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 21:44:13 -0500

“I’ve definitely gotten tipsy in a library before.”

- naturally

"No one’s gonna sperm your face."

Sun, 16 Dec 2012 19:22:14 -0500

“No one’s gonna sperm your face.”

- reassuring a lesbian